There’s not much meat on me. I’d recommend cooking me low and slow over a wood fire.

More or less humiliating than losing his penis in a botched attempt at enlargement surgery?

Billionaires in danger? Of what, money-poisoning?

D’oh! You’re right, I’ll fix it.

I’m glad for the blue wave, but it was fueled mostly by angry people thinking with their wallets, lashing out at the party in power. The Americans who have been selfish and cruel for the last 20 years are still just as heartless as they’ve ever been.

He found out that the his job would change to Senate House Minority Leader, and immediately announced he didn’t want it.

(thanks jacksilver for the correction!)

“Oh my god, we can do that? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

(Damn! They’re on to me!)

Uh I mean, who?

Republicans forgot the primary rule: don’t fuck with people’s money.

I know, let’s start in-fighting!

You could say it would have been a… Mega Death!

Too bad, Caesar. Wrong place, wrong time.

🫧 🫢

Just once I’d wish they’d skip to the end when they run out of tricks and doomed gambits.

Ultimately they may lose, but they’re going to waste the people’s time and money fighting every inch of the way.

I mean, mostly. The amount of right-wing fearmongering before Obama was elected was intense, and after he won, a large portion of the Republican party lost their goddamn minds, convinced it was the end of white people. This led to the Tea Party movement, which fed directly into MAGA.

On a more personal level, Obama mercilessly roasted Trump at the 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and the notorious slumlord was so monumentally, volcanically pissed-off at being humiliated by a powerful Black man that he became determined to prove he was his better, leading to his presidential ambitions, and courting of the existing Tea Party movement who became his initial base of support. (MAGA is basically TP 2.0.)

The culture-war stuff was red meat for keeping the psychos’ attention, lest they wander off into dumber, less controllable conspiracy theories. But it could have been anything. (Sharia law, Socialism, FEMA camps, White Genocide, Great Replacement, Blood Libel, whatever the Murdochs could get their talking heads to complain about, basically.)

There’s a whole thing about him being a devotee of Roy Cohen and Norman Vincent Peele, who between the two taught him to never never, ever, under any circumstances, accept a loss or admit defeat. Whatever he does it will be as maximal as he is physically permitted to get.

My brain only has one thread 😔

“O token-burning machine, tell me true: Are my serfs producing enough product?”

“No. I recommend SPENDING MORE TOKENS.”