I honestly hate myself for still feeling this way at 23. Whenever I’m out, I always feel like the ugliest girl in the room, and it literally makes me feel completely worthless. It sucks watching how nicely everyone treats beautiful women. Nobody ever says anything mean to them. Guys are always looking out for them, and other girls always have their back. They get this pass in life that I’ve never had. No one has ever helped or protected me except my parents.I’ve learned to just rely on myself, because my parents won’t be around forever and nobody else gives a damn about me. Maybe this is how it should be.
Watch South Park episode s11 e14, “The List.” It talks about how the hot girl had an easy life until she became middle-aged and stopped being special because she never learned to be interesting.
I’m nothing special (in terms of looks) and I see hot men treated differently and know that it happens. Society doesn’t punish men for our looks the same way, so I’m not claiming I know how you feel. But I hope you can stop beating up on yourself.
At 23, you haven’t really lived. You can have a lot of experiences between where you are and where I am (46) that change who you are and how you feel about yourself. For context, it took me until I was 39 to love myself, and that was a huge accomplishment. Believe in yourself, or believe that even if you don’t believe in yourself, some anonymous asshole on the internet believes in you.
Guys have the same problem, at some point just ignore them and find your own thing instead.
I also just don’t really go to places where people will be obsessing over their appearance. I have met more interesting women while covered in mud than I have at a nightclub.
Hey friend! You’re welcome to try !womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone or !dadforaminute@lemmy.world for this they’d give great tips
It’s similar for guys who don’t get attention from women but I think we tend to focus on our interests instead.
But yes, it’s very unfair, this life, in that way. However, envy will only make you feel bad. I suggest getting good at something else so you get confidence from that instead.
That’s the neat part!
I’m sorry you’re going through that and that I have no real advice to offer but here is something worth considering:
What would you do if your best friend was talking that way about themselves? What if it was a stranger saying your friend was the ugliest girl in the room.
Please, if nothing else, be nicer to yourself.
Lively eyes and an inviting smile are way better than a pretty face, and fitness is always attractive regardless of the body nature gave you.
nobody knows you as well as you do, so its uber important to be nice to yourself. you’re the only one that can accept you the way you are completely. take it from someone, that was mean to themselves most of their life. its so much easier when you’re at least as nice to yourself as you are to others. would you think lesser of a person because of their looks?
I mean this is easy - start intentionally going to places where “looking good” isn’t the organizing principle.
Find a hobby - hiking, gardening, books, pets. Hang out with people who value and are interested in things you value and are interested in. If you have something interesting to say and someone is interested- suddenly you have a much more interesting connection than “he thinks I’m hot”.
It seems great to have people treat you well because you are pretty - but in reality it means they don’t give two shits about who you are or what you think and will be dishonest with you to try to get in your pants.
Most pretty women really suffer when they get older and lose that “free pass” because the only social skill they ever learned was “look good”. If you learn to really listen and care about others, to be a good friend, to make people laugh - learn how to be an appealing person in a way that has nothing to do with looks. It will give you a much much more satisfying life for much much longer.
When I see a trophy wife I often think what a sad lonely place it must be.
Never feeling enough and the anxiety of having to look good. Never having a true voice. A bird in a cage.
What are you talking about?
You realize many women aspire to be trophy wives, precisely because they don’t want to do anything other in life other than look good and play pretend?
and generally, that’s what ‘life’ is for most people. most social relationships are performances.
Some do.
Looks like a sad life. Some might argue otherwise.
Theres always a younger trophy.
Yup.
I’d rather be considered ugly but confident in myself any day.
My partner has noticed she feels this the strongest during her luteal phase, which helps her stay conscious that its chemical and she’ll feel better soon. More awareness of women’s health ✊️.
still feeling this way at 23
Implying 23 is an advanced age or when someone achieves great wisdom is incorrect. There’s a long way to go and a lot to learn.
how nicely everyone treats beautiful women
It is called sexual capital. It is a genuine advantage, but only one of many in an unfair world. Some are born with financial advantage, or social advantage, or aesthetic advantage, etc.
You have no choice but to make the best of what you’ve got. Anyone can capitalise on what they have. I’d argue the majority of attracting people’s positive attention and admiration has to do with being clean, neat, groomed, well dressed, sociable, keeping physically fit and looking after your skin (all things you can change). Some even may find it liberating that they don’t get unwanted attention and can be judged on their other merits besides just their looks.
It is difficult to undo social programming, but you can be attractive in very many ways if you can let go of the narrow way society portrays attractiveness in the media.
If your someone that hangs out on social media, bare in mind that it can alter your perception of beauty to unrealistic expectations.
The truth is that ugliness is only a problem with first impressions. Once people get to know you, your “ugli[ness]” will disappear and your facial features will just become a representation of who you are, on the inside. Forgive me, I don’t know if you have a medical condition but I know people with Treacher Collins that are capable of having friends and finding love, and I promise you can too. We can say it’s unfair that beautiful people get all the attention but ugly people tend to have the best people as friends.
I wish you the best.
Here’s a question even if you are ‘ugly’ are you of less value?
No, you are not.
There are people who do not fit the definition of pretty. They might be hairy, or disfigured etc, but you can also see unique. Do they deserve happiness and a place in society, Absolutely.
You have start seeing past pretty. You are who you are and the quicker you learn to love yourself (warts n all) the easier life will be. Looks fade, Self confidence, happiness and inner assurance are attractive traits, for men and women.
Do you really want that kind of superficial attention? It may look nice on the outside to have people fawn over you but you know internally they are only being nice because they want something from you. Do you want genuine relationships or transactional ones? You don’t really want to rely on people who only treat you nice because of your appearance. If someone is rude or mean to you due to your appearance, you should be thankful they showed their ugliness rather than being manipulated by shitty people with that mindset.
“Pretty privilege”, it’s real. If you’re not pretty, be fun ! at least that stays relevant throughout the years.
Best wishes,
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