• SabinStargem@lemmy.todayEnglish
    234·
    6 days ago

    Normally, I am fine with people having kinks. However, choking is straight up bad, on account of actually damaging a key part of the body. Backdoor action involving toys is good fun when they are appropriate for the job - but there is no such thing for the neck.

    Please, just don’t. Spank your partner with a crop, give em’ titty twists, do waxplay, pretend at rape if they have a safeword - but just don’t risk their wellbeing. Their lives are literally in your hands if you go for the throat. 🫤

    • Evotech@lemmy.world
      92·
      6 days ago

      You can chokehold without cutting much oxygen. Just pressing in om the side / back with your fingers, not at the front aswell as gripping a bit higher on the neck.

      Depends what the kink is i guess. If you literally want to be choked then yeah that’s dangerous. But if you just like to be held / hold there are pretty safe ways to do that

      • cy888@lemmy.world
        1·
        5 days ago

        On the side is where the carotid arteries are. I suspect that blood going the brain might be a slightly important.

    • StupidBrotherInLaw@lemmy.world
      8·
      6 days ago

      I think it depends on how close to full choking you get. Gentle to moderate, broadly dispersed “chokingesque” pressure is fine as it doesn’t significantly interrupt blood flow. Using enough force or concentrating force to occlude the carotid arteries is asking for trouble.

      Not only is there the risk of ischemic brain damage, the carotid sinus, located where pressure is often placed, is prone to arterial plaque formation due to increased turbulence. Disrupting those plaques can break them loose, causing a stroke. That’s how a mate of mine lost much of the use of his right arm, though I suspect he wasn’t getting choked out. Never asked though.

  • Bubbaonthebeach@lemmy.caEnglish
    82·
    6 days ago

    I hear of more and more young women who are foregoing relationships and one big reason is the pornification of sex. It seems that no one born into the always online porn generation has real old fashioned sex anymore. It’s all porn mimicry. And not surprisingly, the majority of women don’t enjoy it since most porn isn’t about women’s enjoyment but their degradation and pain.

    • cloudshouter@lemmy.zip
      16·
      6 days ago

      Many moons ago there were intelligent people advocating for a serious upgrade to the sex ed programs. The usual idiots shut it down of course, but the idea was that, among other things, we need to teach sex ed in an age of online porn. Accept that kids who want sex will get sex, and that kids who want porn will find porn. Start teaching them that porn is as much fake, pandering entertainment as the WWE. Scripted, planned, consent and paperwork ahead of time, body makeup, dick makeup, permanent makeup under the runny makeup, they don’t show the prep, they don’t always show the lube. The orgasms are mostly fake (even the guys). Most women don’t like to be slapped or choked, especially without asking permission. In fact most women don’t want anything done to them that you don’t want want done to you.

      My advice for young people, and really everyone, is that you someone can’t talk about sex and go buy condoms, they aren’t ready for sex. Communication about it before, during, and after makes for the best experience. Also, you can like things in porn that you wouldn’t do in real life.

    • Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.caEnglish
      8·
      6 days ago

      This was the advice I was given as a young man by my dad.

      He told me that porn is an accurate as depiction of sex as Commando is an accurate as depiction of warfare.

  • blueamigafan@lemmy.world
    1·
    7 days ago

    I think its come from the fact that teachers are being approached by teenagers and being asked how they should choke someone during sex, because they think its a normal thing everyone does. Not something some consenting people do.

    Also there have been several high profile cases of woman being strangled to death and the men getting off with light sentences because they say it was a consensual sex game.

    • cloudshouter@lemmy.zip
      5·
      6 days ago

      Teachers, who are there to teach, need to then know how to tell the boys about reality, communication, consent, and safe practices. They also need to be backed up by the administration if a patient complains about it.

      Ask your partner first and respect what they say. Communicate the whole time if they want to be choked. Choke gently on the sides, not the throat. Do it to yourself first to see how it feels. (with hands, not rope)

      I don’t by the “oops, kinky sex” defense. People into way harder stuff don’t have that problem.

      • mad_lentil@lemmy.caEnglish
        2·
        6 days ago

        Yup. There’s a massive difference between sexy erotic “choking” and actually throttling someone.

        Yes if your partner is into it they will probably say they want it harder, but especially if you don’t know your own strength, you need to know there’s a line you can’t cross.

        I wouldn’t recommend serious breathplay unless you actually seek out legit BDSM community, but harm reduction advice here: a “full choke” where your breath actually catches in your throat should not last for more than a second, and then immediately check-in by loosening your grip and looking for a consent refresh.

  • yesman@lemmy.world
    01·
    7 days ago

    Call me old fashioned, but violence in the bedroom should be simulated, not actual. Can a girl consent to being punched? How about stabbed (with a knife) or shot (with a gun)?

    Sexual liberation is about enjoying your body, not permission to become a goddamn Cenobite. Some kinks should be shamed.

    • chewypoops@lemmy.world
      2·
      6 days ago

      Call me old fashioned

      Regressive sexual moralizing is a red flag that a person is a huge piece of shit. “Old fashioned” is putting it lightly. Keep these awful options of yours between you and whatever regressive church you go to, creep.

    • DudleyMason@lemmy.ml
      2·
      6 days ago

      Some kinks should be shamed.

      Only the sick moralism kink that leads people to shame sex they wouldn’t want to have themselves. That should definitely be shamed out of existence.

  • melsaskca@lemmy.ca
    01·
    7 days ago

    The British soap opera “Coronation Street” is doing a related story on this currently. Two kids, 18ish, having sex for the first time and he chokes her and she ends up having a stroke because of it. This is not a natural act but something that is heavily intertwined in the internet porn world and we learn by observation a lot of the times.

  • outlawcarl@fedinsfw.appEnglish
    01·
    7 days ago

    I use to be against this kind of banning thing, but then algatherms. The most shocking stuff gets pushed due to the attention it naturally creates thous normalizing it to people who would not take the care needed for this kind of thing, and as people have said here might not even be safe when done correctly but when you see it getting pushed to teenagers…

      • outlawcarl@fedinsfw.appEnglish
        1·
        5 days ago

        Yeah i get it, but there comes a point were the you kinda have to. That said if social media got regulated and removed this pushing of niche into the mainstream i would probs swing back in my opinion…

  • endless_nameless@lemmy.world
    02·
    7 days ago

    Sexual choking causes brain damage, mainly resulting in emotional dysregulation. Yall ever wondered why every girl who ever asked you to choke her turned out to be fucking psycho?